Holding On

I'm having mixed feelings. Its like one of those days where you can't make a simple choice...like choosing between 2 ice cream flavours. Cookies and Creme or just plain vanilla.

Though obviously you know which one I would choose but thats not the point.

Oh, for the record, its not about me having doubts about my sexuality. I'm as straight as a freakin' pole!

Anyway, today, I just feel really unsettled, very...confused. Everything in my head is jumbled up to the point where I can't really think right. I know that I have thoughts in my head but..I can't feel it there...

Okay, I know I am confusing you but argh!! its driving me mad! I am trying to sort it out the best way that I can. But I can't..

The cause?

Boy and school. Simple.

First up, "the" school. As we all know, I am having my major exam within 5 months and I am not exactly prepared for it. The fact that I am so calm..so..laid back..it is scaring me big time! My friends are studying for their lives while I just prop myself in front of the pc. Practically wasting my precious time doing...pretty much nothing. I'm pretty oblivious to everything actually.

Now that all these dawn to me, another question popped up. What do I want to major in in college/uni. after I graduate? I really haven't got a clue. My interest changes like the season and I can never seem to make up my freakin mind.

Like last week, or was it a 2 weeks ago..hmm...anyway, my school had invited representitives from different colleges to set up different booths, offering "counselling" sessions. I didn't really bother to look around because looking at those pamplets...about course offered and bla..its...I dunno.

It feels different than last year thats for sure because last year I was pretty excited when they came and I went to practically all of the booths enquiring about college needs and qualifications and..just a lot of questions. But this year, it was different. I felt clueless. Lost, to sum up all the feelings.

Mom was trying to be a good sport. She said, I still have time to think about what I want but time is ticking away as my SPM date line is nearing !

Push studies aside. Now its.."the" boy. Come to think of it, I don't really want to talk about him. I am..yet again, confusio about my feelings for him. Like, one second I am head over heels, the next, I'm like, I don't even want to talk to him. And the cycle goes on and on and on. It can really drive a girl loco ya know. I used to laugh at those girls who wrote to Big Bro, like how they are a bunch of sad cases and all..well..lookie at me now. I'm turning into one of them, except! I blog about it. boooooooo

xoxo